I had hoped I would never be sharing this story… that this story would never be mine, but it is. Three weeks ago we started to share the news with our family and friends that we were expecting. After 15 months of infertility with month after month of disappointment and testing I was finally pregnant and we were overjoyed. The days that followed were euphoric, they were a dream. The moment I told my husband that he was finally going to be a father was a moment that I’ll cherish always. Sadly, my HCG levels started to drop and inevitably my pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. I was heartbroken, and angry… so angry. I knew that miscarriages were common, in fact 1 out of 3 first pregnancies end in miscarriage. Even knowing that I didn’t think it would happen to us… after all, it took 15 months for the right little egg to make it’s way into my world so why would I possibly have a miscarriage? But, my rationalization was wrong and that little egg just wasn’t the little egg meant to fill our hearts.
I wanted to share my story because even having the support of my husband and loved ones I still find myself feeling lonely in this struggle. Most days I feel positive and hopeful but there are days still where I’m angry that I’m back in the trying to conceive world and angry that we’ve not only struggled with infertility but also the heartbreak of a miscarriage.
Please know, you are not alone.
Personally, I’ve found peace in knowing that we CAN get pregnant… after 15 months of the constant fear that we couldn’t, this little seed gave me hope. I still feel that fear creep up sometimes that this pregnancy was a fluke but I force those thoughts back down and just remind myself that this is a positive sign.
Over the past two weeks I’ve tried to stay as relaxed as I can, admiring Mother Nature daily, eating healthy and studying herbalism to keep my mind off the hurt.
I’m hoping to continue to share the story of my journey more on here but I do post daily on my Instagram page so feel free to follow me there @barefootandcrunchy
If you have any questions leave them below!